Self-Compassion from Singapore!

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Self-Compassion in Singapore Give Yourself a Break: Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend

Hello Everyone…today I have the pleasure of sharing a post from my new dear friend, Shuyi who lives in Singapore

Shuyi gave me permission to share her post of how God led her to my book, and the impact self-compassion has had on her. I am blown away by her post, and will share some impressions at the end of her post. Thanks Shuyi for sharing your words with us, and thank you God for using these words for blessing and healing…

09:46 pm – Self-compassion by Shuyi

I’ve been back on that journey I took in 2011 when Dick Bolles became my best friend, because I kept reading his books to try to find some career direction. I wanted to buy his latest copy of What Color is My Parachute, but it wasn’t sold in Popular yet, instead, I saw this fascinating book called Give Yourself a Break: Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend by Kim Fredrickson.

Initially, I didn’t think much about it, I thought it may be another one of those Christian self-help books

Having grown up on a diet of such books, I have a very high expectation for them. Somehow, I felt inclined to buy it. And so… I tried to speed read it… Using my memory and existing knowledge to fill in gaps… But… I was forced to slow down as it started speaking to my heart.

Heart in hands - smallUsually, when I do something wrong or make a really small mistake, the inner critic in me starts to scold me and I feel very miserable. It made me conclude a long time ago that I really disliked me. But… this book was telling me that I don’t have to be a critic of myself, I can actually be a compassionate friend. Kim teaches us how to speak to ourselves in various unpleasant situations in a compassionate way. I started immediately practicing this.

I soothe that critic when I’m aware what she’s doing to poor me. I became concerned about Shuyi. I cared about her. She was struggling. She has many weaknesses. And yes, I am not going to add on to her troubles by making her feel worse about herself. I am going to comfort her and help her get through those down moments when she feels really lousy about herself.

Those who know me know that I sometimes have the ability to be very compassionate towards others. But I am a jumbled up mess.

I am also capable of extreme judgment and I often bear the brunt of it. When I turned this compassionate person inward, and stop the judging person from abusing me… I felt the power of what Kim was advocating. I felt I was bearable (even possibly lovable). I mean I felt I could continue living my life with this individual called Shuyi.

I stopped looking to things to satisfy me and people to give me the tender loving care I craved. I was able to satisfy myself and able to care for myself. I learned to praise myself, instead of looking for my boss for praises. So now, I don’t need her approval anymore, I am constantly giving myself little rewards and pats on the shoulders when I make progress in my work. Also, I stop berating myself when things don’t go so well at work, which I used to do… When I am unproductive, I realized Shuyi is tired or troubled or bothered by something, and so the compassionate thing to do is not to scold her or work her to death, but to give her time to rest and recharge. So I stop Shuyi from working and tell her to rest for today and continue the work tomorrow.

And the most fascinating thing is the insight I got into the being of the Holy Spirit

The bible says Holy Spirit is our Advocate. Kim urges us to be our own advocates. I never saw how closely linked the two ideas. I think Holy Spirit probably speaks to us using our internal voices. So how can Holy Spirit be our Advocate when our internal voice does not allow Him to, negating every loving encouragement He showers on us? When I learn to advocate for myself, I suddenly believe that it’s true that Holy Spirit is my Advocate. I have opened a channel for Him to work in me again. Never did I experience God’s love more than when I learned to care for and love myself. I stopped looking to something external of me to satisfy me. I can be God’s vessel of love to myself. God can love me through me.

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When the inner critic is very powerful, we also become dull to Holy Spirit’s rebuke. If we are constantly criticizing ourselves for mistakes not worthy of criticism, when Holy Spirit really wants to rebuke us, we really cannot tell. We only hear a constant drone of criticism. If we mistake this for God, boy oh boy, we will live in self-condemnation, the very thing Jesus wanted to save us from.
What revelations! 🙂 Shuyi

Kim’s Impressions: There is so much wisdom in what Shuyi shared that we can all learn from.

Here’s just a few of my thoughts:

~ Thanks to God for allowing my book to be in a Singapore Bookstore! I’m still in awe of this!

~ I loved the way Shuyi applied what she learned so personally and shared with us the practical ways she is showing compassion to herself. She applied what she learned and is treating herself differently

~ This change in perspective — to treat oneself as a compassionate friend has gotten in and made a huge difference

~ Shuyi’s insights into the effect on our spiritual life are inspired. Self-compassion helps our relationship with God, and provides room for Him to work in us in profound ways.

FYI: Shuyi’s original post can be found here

I really enjoyed sharing Shuyi’s post with you today. I care about each and everyone of you, and would love to hear your response to what Shuyi shared. Feel free to encourage Shuyi for sharing her heart with us today.

Comments, Please….

What impacted you the most? How do you plan to extend compassion to yourself in practical ways? What did you think of the spiritual implications of being compassionate with yourself?





2 thoughts on “Self-Compassion from Singapore!

  1. Your book, your blog, and your encouraging posts on self-compassion have helped change me. I had long been a loyal and valued friend to others, but I never understood what becoming a supportive friend to myself could offer. Through your lessons on self-compassion, I have developed new ways to ease my personal pain and suffering. Learning how to soothe and comfort the me I am with 24/7 has truly been a gift and one I’ve been able to extend to others too. We are discovering what you already knew…the havoc wreaked by the inner critic is immense! Thank you, Kim, for your passion and willingness to share your years of knowledge and expertise with us. I am so sorry for the grief you’ve had to bear shutting down your beloved counseling practice, but I am thankful God directed you to new ways of helping hurting people. What a blessing you are!!

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