Include Yourself in Your Life!

http://kimfredrickson.com/2017/04/12/include-yourself-in-your-life 

Part of developing a compassionate relationship with yourself involves including yourself in your life

That may sound strange. Let me explain. So often, for a variety of reasons, we often make decisions about how to spend our precious time, energy, focus, funds, and effort without factoring in our instincts, needs, and desires for our life.

We can run from activity to activity; from one errand to the next; and from one event to another, without factoring in an overall plan for a balanced life.

I often think of this concept like a math equation:

2 + 1 + 4 + 3 = 10.  This is fine, as long as you are one of the numbers in the equation. Notice I didn’t say all the numbers…just one of the numbers.

We often run around feeling stress from work, home, kids, financial pressure, never-ending chores and responsibilities. We often don’t stop and breathe and check inside to see what we need relationally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

This isn’t about being self-focused or selfish. It is about including yourself in your life…not just living your life by what is expected of you. Keep in mind that you are the only person who can bring an end to your overworked, frazzled and under-rested life. You are the only one who can make the changes you desire.

You are the only one who can make the changes you desire. Click To Tweet

The solution to creating a balanced life is selectivity—about choosing. It’s not about getting more done, but being more selective about what you do, as well as making sure you have time to replenish. Our choices determine how we live. We live in a time where being selective is more difficult than ever before.

Life Balance

Choosing how you live by being selective as well as conscious of how you spend your finite amount of time and energy is called life balance. It is about doing what matters and devoting less of yourself to what does not. The secret to creating a saner, more balanced life lies with you. Remember that life balance looks different for each person, as well as is different in each season of life.

We have bought into the cultural norms for success, often without even realizing it. We just pile more and more on our already overflowing plates, often without a plan for life balance. As long as you try to please other people and live up to someone else’s standards, your life will not be your own.

Even under the best of circumstances, most of us walk a tightrope juggling careers, children, a spouse or significant other, family and friends. It is common to feel as if we’re always failing at something.

So, part of developing a compassionate relationship with yourself as well as setting boundaries with yourself, includes asking yourself some important questions:

What do you need more of in your life?

___ Physical rest, more sleep

___ More emotional support

___ More fun and time to play

___ Unscheduled quiet time

___ Being active physically in ways I enjoy

___ Time with friends

___ More time with God

___ Safe group of friends to share with

___ Time to be creative

___ Time to do hobbies, sports I enjoy

___ Time to read

___ Other _____________________

What do you need less of in your life?

Think about activities that don’t reflect what you feel truly matters. Also think about activities or interactions that drain your precious time and energy, and don’t actually produce the results you are hoping for.

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

What Matters to You?

We need to listen to the intuition, passion, and burdens God has given regarding the ways He wants us to have an impact in the lives of ourselves, others and the world.  Part of figuring this out includes taking a look inside to see what really matters to you. God has placed the answer to this question inside each one of us.

  • Take a few minutes to pray, ponder, and ask yourself the following questions to figure out what really matters to you:
    • What have you found yourself excited and passionate about in your life?
    • What type of burdens do you have for others?
    • What dreams do you have that will not go away?
  • Imagine you are at the end of your life:
    • What message do you want to have given to those dear to you?
    • What message do you want to have given to yourself?
    • What type of relationship do you want to have had with God and others?

Now please write, in order of importance, what you value and consider most important in your life

Is it your family, your children, your health, your religious or spiritual practice, your friendships, your relationship with yourself, your work, your creative expressions, your social life, your dreams, your purpose in this life or something else?

1._______________________________________________________________

2._______________________________________________________________

3._______________________________________________________________

4._______________________________________________________________

5._______________________________________________________________

6._______________________________________________________________

7._______________________________________________________________

8._______________________________________________________________

Based on your assessment, ask yourself the following questions:

  • If I was including myself in my life I would be doing more of:
  • If I was including myself in my life I would be doing less of:
  • If I was including myself in my life I would be renewing and restoring myself by:
  • Is there a small step you could take this week to add more of what you need and let go of something that is draining you?

This is a sample of a way to step back from autopilot where our life is happening without self-reflection. I would encourage you to take what you’ve learned from this post to begin to re-evaluate your life.

Consider what you can do to readjust some things in your life

You want your life to reflect who you are, the intuitions and passions God has given you, and the self-care that you need. I hope this has given you some new ideas to think about regarding including yourself in your life.

I’d love to hear from you. What made sense or stood out to you? How do you respond to the idea that you are the only person who can bring an end to your overworked, frazzled and under-rested life? After reading this, are there adjustments you want to make in how you live your life?

Please share this post with anyone you feel could benefit, or on social media. We’re in this together…

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4 thoughts on “Include Yourself in Your Life!

  1. —Wow, thank you Kim. This blog post we could just come back to —every— week for like the next year and not exhaust it. These are serious, deep questions. —Really serious, important stuff.

    “What do you need more of in life?” I need to learn to consistently talk to myself the way I talk to others I love. Also, from the list I would choose: __x__ More emotional support; and __x__ Safe group of friends to share with.

    “What do you need less of in your life?” I need to shush my inner Bully and be my own bestie!

    “Now please write, in order of importance, what you value and consider most important in your life & What have you found yourself excited and passionate about in your life? & What dreams do you have that will not go away?”: What I value, am passionate about, dream of, my goal is to know more of God Himself. . . . Not joy, not peace, not even blessings —just God Himself. —As everyone knows, there is a world of difference between knowing the Scriptures and all kinds of theological stuff and knowing God. . .and I want to know more of God because I want pure love. . . and I want that pure love because I assume it can heal all my childhood wounds. Not solve, dissolved by God’s pure love being applied.

    “Is there a small step you could take this week to add more of what you need and let go of something that is draining you?” . . .Whatever is draining me, I believe would have to be hiding in my unconscious because if I am conscious of it, I am actively trying to deal with/ contain it. I honestly don’t know what more to do and I don’t even think it is about “doing more,” it’s being and experiencing. I give God quality time, quality love, quality prayer, if I knew of more I would do it. That does not mean I don’t have issues, often even my tears of repentance need to be repented of, I sin a lot by omission. Therefore, I am in constant need of a Savior.

    1. Thanks for sharing Aleea…I always enjoy hearing your thoughts as you process ways to continue to grow. I think we can all learn from your lovely statement, “I honestly don’t know what more to do and I don’t even think it is about “doing more,” it’s being and experiencing.”
      Beautiful! Many blessings to you…

      1. . . . Oh, thank you Kim for providing all this wonderful content.

        Re: . . .your lovely statement, “I honestly don’t know what more to do and I don’t even think it is about “doing more,” it’s being and experiencing.” . . . . so that is my understanding of our faith, for as I have learned recently, nothing cuts the nerves from the desire to pursue holiness as much as a sense of guilt. Motivation comes from understanding that God fully accepts us because of Christ even though we are completely unacceptable. (—I apologize, Kim; I know you know ALL this and more, —for sure.) . . . Anyways, serious doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith, just like the courage to just “BE” is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable. —And I really think our REAL beliefs are generally not to be found at the level of our ego. The evidence of forgiveness of sins is not found in a profession of belief, but in a life freed from self-destructive pursuits: scapegoating others, scapegoating myself, having deep love and compassion for ourselves and others, etc. In other words, the claim “I believe in God” is nothing but a lie if it is not manifest in our lives, because one only believes in God insofar as one deeply loves: internally (self) and externally (God & others).

        You know what? . . . .The first duty of love is to listen and Kim, as I read your comments to people, I see you really listen to people (—you really hear them), —it’s so beautiful. . . .One of the most important things we can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone. . . . All that abusive suffering from my past . . . I don’t know, maybe it is meant to empty me so that I may have the potential to tap into my truest depths, —it sure helps me to be persistent in my praying I will tell you that. —Many prayers for you Kim, always —Aleea.

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