7 Ways to be Compassionate with Yourself

Building a Compassionate Relationship with Yourself is Life Changing

You and your relationships will benefit as you take care of yourself and have a “compassionate you” to go through life with.

You've been desiring compassion, not only from others, but from yourself. Click To Tweet

Following are some ideas you can build into your life to continue developing the compassionate relationship that you have already begun.

Stay Self-Aware

Resist the urge to veg out, live on automatic pilot, and give up your choices to the demands of others, and urgencies of life. Commit to be aware of yourself, your thoughts, feelings, needs and intuition. Check in with yourself each morning and evening. Ask yourself how you are doing, what you need, and notice what zapped you of energy and positivity that day.

Make Small and Meaningful Changes in Your Life

Realize that even small changes make a huge difference over time. Pick an area to focus on that will help you be a better friend to yourself. Areas to consider include talking to yourself kindly, allowing yourself time to rest, pursuing a hobby you enjoy, or taking time for self-care. Commit to change one small thing each day and notice the difference it makes.

Schedule Times for Self-Soothing

Take time each day to sooth yourself in healthy ways. Simple things such as stretching, listening to soothing music, taking a warm bath or reading Bible verses that give you hope, can really help. Figure out what time of day works for you. With practice, skills to sooth your system will become automatic and rejuvenating.

Practice Talking to Yourself Kindly

We talk to ourselves all day long. Decide to care for yourself by speaking to yourself with kindness and compassion. Start by noticing how you speak to yourself. You don’t need to do this perfectly. Even when you get down on yourself, you can stop and say to yourself, “No I am not going to speak to myself this way. I will speak to myself kindly as I would to a friend who is struggling.”

Ask for What You Need

As you become more aware of yourself and your needs, ask for what you need from yourself, God and others. God created your needs and they are good. Remember to use wisdom as you ask for help and support as needed. Resist the urge to hint. Ask directly.

Encourage and Validate Yourself

Try to build in regular times of being your own encourager and validator. Click To Tweet

Resist the urge to wait for someone else to do this for you. When you step back from the situation at hand, you will be able to find character traits, motives, and actions you can encourage yourself about. As you get ready for bed, review what you are proud of yourself for that day.

Seek Comfort and Connection from God

God loves you and wants a close relationship with you. He is the source of comfort, love and the author of grace! There is no sin or mistake too big that cannot be forgiven by Him. His arms are open wide to you.

There are many verses that highlight God’s love, care, and value of us, as well as the compassionate ways he sees and relates to us. Compassion is often translated as mercy in the Bible. Mulling over a verse each morning and evening will bring the healing truth of God’s love and compassion for you deep in your heart and soul.

“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.”  ~Isa. 41:13

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” ~ Jer. 31:3

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~ Ps. 147:3

“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.”  ~ Ps. 86:15

“You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.” ~ Ps. 86:5

“Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” ~ Isa. 49:13

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”  ~ Isaiah 54:10

In Conclusion

There is hope to build a compassionate relationship with yourself. You are on your way! Keep connected to your inner self as you build new ways of relating to yourself in positive ways a little each day. You are valuable, you matter, and you deserve compassion and care!

I’d love to hear from you. What did you think the idea that there is a place in you that has been desiring compassion and understanding, not only from others, but from yourself? Which of the 7 ways to be compassionate with yourself stood out? Which of the verses I shared spoke to you?

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19 thoughts on “7 Ways to be Compassionate with Yourself

  1. Thank you for sharing blog posts that are always filled with so much hope! I was encouraged when I read… “small changes make a huge difference over time.”

  2. Your teaching has brought me so much more joy and peace. I treasure the example of your life and how you always point us to the hope that is found in Jesus.

  3. Praising God for your gift of teaching and relating so eloquently….and for God’s provision in meeting your goal for the trip to the wedding in Texas! Prayers have been answered again. What a blessing it has been to be a part of this journey with you and Dave! You will both be covered in prayer for the duration of the trip. Best wishes to the happy couple!
    You are loved!

    1. Thank you so much Ann! I so appreciate your prayers and support regarding our upcoming trip to the wedding. We are so excited and feel so blessed and loved. I’m so glas this post was helpful to you 🙂

  4. Asking for what I need is probably the one thing I really struggle with. I have always been the one who does everything for everyone. It’s so hard for me to be the recipient of anothers gift. I realize I have to be accepting of help at this point in my illness, but it’s so difficult for me. Thank you Kim for all your encouragement and wonderful advice. You’re truly a God send.

    1. Dear Karen,
      Thanks so much for sharing. I know personally how hard it is to be put in the position to ask for help because of a serious illness. It is so much to get used to. It is a process to feel comfortable accepting help, so be kind to yourself about it. How about trying to just accept a little bit at a time? I’m so glad to meet you too.

  5. I so enjoy your encouraging words. I have been lucky enough to hear you in person, what a blessing. I am so glad you are able to go the the Wedding. God Bless you and your on this wonderful occasion.
    God Bless,

    1. Thank you so much Esther! Thanks for celebrating with me about God’s provision to attend our son’s wedding. We are so grateful and blessed! So appreciate your encouragement 🙂

  6. Kim…right words, right day, right time….don’t you love how God does that?

    Praying your time away for the wedding will be glorious and that all will go well.

    Things at mine are super-rough today, so am going to take some time to pray through this post.

    Much love.

    1. Hi Mary, I’m so glad today’s post was what you needed. God is so good about providing what we need when we need it. I’m so sorry things are so rough right now. Sending prayers for comfort and wisdom. Thanks for celebrating with us!

  7. —Thank you so much for this Kim. I can’t believe how much of yourself you are willing to give consistently.

    “What did you think of the idea that there is a place in you that has been desiring compassion and understanding, not only from others, but from yourself?” —I think that is correct and very, VERY important.

    “Which of the 7 ways to be compassionate with yourself stood out?” 1)Self-Aware, especially the “Ask yourself how you are doing, what you need, and notice what zapped you of energy and positivity that day.” —Some things just drain the life from me. —Also, 2) Practice Talking to Yourself Kindly —My self-talk is disgraceful. I’d put some of real problem language out here but it is just enough to say that I would not even talk to Satan that way. And I have the compassion scripts memorized, cold . . .but when I get under serious pressure I fold like a lawn-chair. My counselor tells me that it is me trying to self-punish so that my internalized mother doesn’t punish me as much. And yet, I really believe that the best self-help is self-compassion, its just pressure that blows it out of the water for me. . . . .Even when I am “compassionate” there is an edge to it: “Come on, Aleea, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens! Aleea, for the love of God, if you do not respect your own wishes, no one else will. You will simply attract people who disrespect you as much as you do. No one’s approval is enough to make up for a lack of self-love, which is really your lack of self-awareness. . . . Aleea!!! when you feel a desire to be loved, it isn’t other people’s love you need. It’s your own relationship with love that we’re longing for, your own awareness of being interconnected with you. —Aleea, no one can compliment you enough to supplement for the acceptance that you need from your own self, in each and every moment. Acceptance for your struggles and your talents. Acceptance for your humanity. Celebration of that humanity. —What is the matter with you!!! —Love is an inside job!” —So, even when I am “compassionate” there is an edge to it and it goes downhill from there under pressure.

    “Which of the verses I shared spoke to you?” “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” —That verse, Awesome!!! —Absolutely beautiful!!!

    1. —Oh, I forgot to add, that while self-compassion is essential, it’s not a substitute for self-expression, and self-respect. Gently soothing our wounds does not replace communicating about them. Oh, how we need to do that too. . . .May we all have the courage to love ourselves like we always wished someone would. . . . you know, spend less time filling out our personal scorecard and more time being kind . . .to ourselves. And on the self-expression, if Jesus is loving us perfectly, always, why do we feel unloved so often? I have no idea but I do always ask myself: “Do I have a caring, unconditionally loving best friend in myself?” Since the answer is often “No,” then self-compassion becomes a priority.

      1. Hi Aleea…thanks so much for all you shared. I love how you take what I share to heart, and learn and grow from it. Really liked your balanced view of how important self-compassion, self-expression, and self-respect are.

        Also…you last line is huge, “Since the answer is often “No,” then self-compassion becomes a priority.” I think that means the answer is sometimes, “yes.” That is what growth looks like!!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

        1. “Since the answer is often “No,” then self-compassion becomes a priority.” I think that means the answer is sometimes, “yes.” That is what growth looks like!!! —Always so, so positive. —Always looking for those green shoots! That’s the way to be healed isn’t it? Find those tender green shoots and really nurture them. Nourishing ourselves in a way that helps us blossom. —Thank you so much Kim. Nearly all problems stem from our failure to ensure that we live in environments that nurture our well-being. . . .Sometimes, sometimes I really see it and it is so unbelievable: In each and every moment we are nurturing or damaging our relationships with ourselves.

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