Hints to Make Mother’s Day a Blessing

Mother’s Day is a little over a week away.  I’ve got a few hints that will help Mother’s Day go well this year. Mother’s Day is loaded emotionally…often filled with unmet expectations and disappointments. It is also a day that may bring pain for lots of reasons. Rather than ignore it, let’s look at it, and be kind to yourself instead!

If You are a Mom…

I encourage you to “Spell Out Clearly” what you would like to happen that would make this Mother’s Day an enjoyable and meaningful day for you.  When we hint at what we need, or even worse don’t share what we need, we will be disappointed, and those who want to honor us will feel like failures.

Consider a different option for this Mother’s Day. Click To Tweet

Let your family know what you’d like: Be specific…here’s some ideas: Dinner out, dinner at home, breakfast in bed, a gift, a nice card with kind words, a picture drawn by a small child, etc.  Let your family know what would bless you. Here’s an example, “Mother’s Day is coming up and I’d like it to be a special day for all of us. I’d like to have lunch at home, having you order out from my favorite restaurant. I’d also like a small gift from each of you and a card telling me the ways you appreciate me.  This would make my Mother’s Day wonderful. I’d like lots of hugs and kisses too.”

Notice how clear this is. This type of direct approach will help your family honor you in a way that is meaningful to you, and will help them be successful.  Otherwise, they will miss doing what you need, and will feel awful and confused about why their attempts to celebrate Mother’s Day was a disaster.

Try honoring yourself by speaking up for yourself this Mother's Day. Click To Tweet

It may be uncomfortable for you to be clear about what would bless you. The alternative — not sharing what you’d like, and hoping others will magically know, is unlikely to happen, and will be painful for all.

If You are a Husband or Child…

Ask the Mom in your life what you could do to make this day special for her…and then do it! Step back and think about things she loves that have brought her joy in the past. If in doubt, do several things to bless her! Mom’s love to get pampered, and especially love to hear what you appreciate about them, and are grateful for. Flowers, candy, and a gift of something she loves won’t hurt either! Bring it up now, rather than waiting until closer to the day. She will feel even more loved when she realizes you are planning ahead of time.

If You are Grieving This Mother’s Day…

Be especially kind and compassionate with yourself. You may be grieving over the loss of your own Mom, a desire to be a Mom that isn’t realized, having painful feelings associated with your Mom, or some other reasons.

Rather than celebrating Mother’s Day, have a special “be nice to myself day.” Think about what would be soothing for you. Is there something you enjoy doing you normally don’t give yourself time to do? Could you ask a few friends to send you a kind note or give you a call? Would you like to get a massage, go on a hike, go to the movies, or get time away with a friend?

Be Creative. Deal with What is Real. Be Kind to Yourself

I’d love to hear from you, please leave a comment below. What is your reaction to this post? How do you respond to my urging to be clear about what would bless you? What’s your plan? I’d love to know. One idea is to forward this to someone in your life, and be positive by saying, “I’d love us to talk about how to make Mother’s Day a blessing to all of us this year.”

Please share this post with anyone you feel could benefit, or on social media. We’re in this together…

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17 thoughts on “Hints to Make Mother’s Day a Blessing

  1. Oh wow…just thinking about Mother’s Day can overwhelm me with a mix of feelings. The disappointment and heartache attached to it tempt me to avoid thinking about it altogether. That doesn’t actually work though because it forces me to to ignore and deny my feelings. I’ve unsuccessfully tried to pretend Mother’s Day doesn’t matter. Last year, at the end of the day, following my best attempts to care for myself and find ways to enjoy the day, I sat down and acknowledged my truest and deepest feelings to the Lord. I was completely honest. I cried and then cried some more. I told the truth. I did not hold back. Then, I got an idea. I wrote a letter to myself from God. In it, I included all the things I needed to hear. This comforted me so much. I felt loved and affirmed. Thank you, Kim, for your kindness, sensitivity and practical suggestions. I am taking them in.

    1. Roberta, Thanks so much for sharing. We are blessed to hear your tender feelings about the painful feelings that come with Mother’s Day. Your honesty blesses so many who feel the same way. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story of how you acknowledged your own feelings, took them to the Lord, and then wrote yourself a soothing letter. Such a comforting and hopeful way of caring for yourself when vulnerable. 🙂

      1. Thanks, Kim. You are always so kind and encouraging. I’m glad my words are a blessing. God is so good! I have learned much about loving Him, myself and others through your teaching- the concepts, examples and your gracious modeling. God bless you.

        1. Hi again,
          I’ve been thinking for days about what I want this year. I decided on two simple requests. I followed up with your suggestion to ask. It was uncomfortable but I took to heart your explanation of what happens when I choose the alternative. So, today I did it. I asked!! This was not easy, and I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I felt instantly free. I’ve done my
          part. I spoke up for me. I was a good friend! I’m
          getting this, Kim. Thank you again!

          1. Congrats Roberta…so good to hear. You are so brave! Yes…you were a good friend to yourself. I’m so glad that you felt an immediate peace when you did your part. Excellent!!

          2. Hi Kim,

            I wanted to follow up to let you know that the outcome was very positive! So thankful for your suggestions and glad I tried something new!

    2. Roberta, that is really beautiful, especially the complete honesty and the crying. That’s really holy ground there. I also love the idea of a letter to us from God, —Wow. re: “I wrote a letter to myself from God. In it, I included all the things I needed to hear. This comforted me so much. I felt loved and affirmed.” . . . .Incredible, just incredible —that thought never, ever has occurred to me. —And theologically I would be blocked but psychoanalytically, that exercise is a direct bulls eye. What a great idea!!! Unbelievable self-soothing. Sometimes I feel hugs and pats on the head when I pray from God but that is really taking it to the next level.

      1. Hi Aleea,
        The amazing thing is I never thought of writing myself a letter either. No doubt, the idea was God’s!! I lost myself in the process. Yes, holy ground!
        Blessings to you!
        Roberta

  2. Prayers will cover you and Dave for travel mercies and protection of your health as you fly to Houston to attend the wedding! What a challenging process this has been, but what a blessing that it was not only successful, but exceeded your needs to cover the oxygen in the hotel. It has been such a privilege to be involved in this with you!
    You are loved, you know!

    1. Kim, this message is so incredibly timely. As a stepmom with no kids of my own, I feel a lot of sadness and emotions on this day. I feel so encouraged by your ideas and look forward to using several of them on that day. I feel that I can turn this into a day that feels good to me. Thank you!

      1. Dear Ava…thank you so much for sharing with me. What a joy to know this is helpful to you, and that these ideas will help you turn this into a day that feels good to you. Yahoo!

    2. Dear Ann, Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. Yes…God is so good to bless us in this way, and to speak to the hearts of so many (including you!) who are bathing us in prayer, sharing our need, celebrating with us and giving generously! You are loved too, you know!

  3. Wow! What a wonderful idea you had to outline this for all of us. I found your suggestions so helpful. Thank you, Kim, for this and for all of your blogs. I read and learn from all of them.

  4. “What is your reaction to this post? How do you respond to my urging to be clear about what would bless you? What’s your plan? I’d love to know. One idea is to forward this to someone in your life, and be positive by saying, “I’d love us to talk about how to make Mother’s Day a blessing to all of us this year.” —So, I don’t have children and I am in therapy for childhood abuse from my mother so my counselor thinks it best to have (no contact) in this stage . . . . . —BUT, I simply love the idea about being clear about what would really bless you. So very often people are not really honest about this and so they don’t really get their needs taken care of. This being specific is brilliant and the key to getting so much communication right: “. . .Let your family know what you’d like: Be specific…here’s some ideas: Dinner out, dinner at home, breakfast in bed, a gift, a nice card with kind words, a picture drawn by a small child, etc.” That is really the way to hold down on disappointments and disconnects: “. . . .Mother’s Day is coming up and I’d like it to be a special day for all of us. I’d like to have lunch at home, having you order out from my favorite restaurant. I’d also like a small gift from each of you and a card telling me the ways you appreciate me. This would make my Mother’s Day wonderful. I’d like lots of hugs and kisses too.” —Specific, thoughtful, —beautiful, —I love that!!! . . . . Kim, I was listening to one of your recordings on self-soothing the other day. —I travel a lot and I am in lots of airports. —Too, too many. Kim, you said on that recording: “Ask for a hug, —not just from anyone, of course!” I started laughing so hard about that because when you travel overseas you have to be so, so very careful. Every time I think about that it makes me laugh so hard. The laughing is almost as powerful as the self-soothing! . . . .Really tell people your needs and not in wandering generalities but clear and meaningful specifics. That is what I take away and it is so powerful! —Thank you Kim!

    1. You made me laugh Aleea. And…yes, laughing IS good!!! Sorry about your hurts from childhood abuse. It’s clear you are working very hard to heal. You have a lot of courage. Way to keep going and not give up!! God bless…Roberta

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