Are My Needs Okay?

Do you ever wonder if it’s okay to have needs? What is selfish and what is OK? I was interviewed by Jodie Stevens of 103.9 THE FISH about this important question.

The answer

YES…it is absolutely OK to have needs, and in fact is actually healthy because God placed those needs inside of us…they are God given.

The reality is that we are born with emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual needs….they aren’t a mistake, God designed us this way.

It’s easy to be confused about this:

Personal experience:

If your needs weren’t met to a good enough level, you may come to see needs as bad or wrong, and not know how to meet them in healthy ways.

Poor teaching:

We may have also received teaching that it is wrong to have needs…which is incorrect.  Jesus responded to His and others’ needs directly – He helped those who needed help, and did not shame them for having needs. He also regularly took care of His own needs. We may have been told that God will meet all of our needs and we don’t have to pay attention to our needs. This leaves out a central teaching in the Bible that God has made us stewards of ourselves, our families and our world, and He wants us to be active in taking care of all He has given us…including our needs.

Not wanting to be selfish:

Being selfish means you are only considering your needs without considering the needs of others. Click To Tweet

God wants us to be balanced as we care for our needs as well as the needs of others…all the while listening to His leading.

The paradox is this…when we don’t pay attention to our needs and seek healthy ways to meet them, we actually do become selfish because we put the responsibility of meeting them on other people. The needs don’t just go away…they just get transferred onto other people to meet them.

Where to start

Be compassionate with yourself about this topic, maybe by saying something to yourself like, “How wonderful to find out that my needs are God-given and are something God wants me to pay attention to. I will start noticing what physical, spiritual, emotional and relational needs could use some attention. I’m realizing that being a healthy adult means responding to my needs in balanced ways.”

You can listen to my interview with Jodie below:

I’d love to hear from you!

What jumped out at you from this post? Do you struggle with feeling like your needs are okay? What would it be like to talk to yourself about your needs with compassion?

Please leave a comment below and share with those who could benefit via e-mail or on social media.

2 thoughts on “Are My Needs Okay?

  1. What jumped out at me here is the paradox. I’ve never thought of it that way. Not meeting my needs in a healthy way does put the responsibility on someone else to meet them. I become selfish as I passively-aggressively manipulate those around me to meet them or make it difficult to be around my mood if they are left unmet. Then I’ve set the stage for bitterness, discontent, anger and resentment from all parties involved. In the end it is a lot more work emotionally and spiritually to deny and refuse to meet my own needs in a healthy way. I never realized how damaging this is to myself and my family. Thanks for opening my eyes to this!

    1. Hi Beth,
      Nice to hear from you. Thanks so much for your comment. I’m so glad my blog post helped give you insight into this complicated issue. So appreciate the personal example you shared. Many Blessings…

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